


That's why it hurts

by BiUnicorn



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Post 4x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 15:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19889923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiUnicorn/pseuds/BiUnicorn
Summary: Post 4x22“You lied to me this whole time, Kara…”“I don't know what I can say or do to make it better. I know I messed up and I clearly hurt you.” It was Kara's turn to recoil, hugging her own body defensively. “I was so scared, I'm just so scared of losing you…”“I don't think I can keep living this lie.” Lena stood and left Kara alone in her office.Or... The one where Lena confronts Kara about her secret and things get complicated. They fight and cry, but mostly cry.





	That's why it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> GUYSSSSS DID Y'ALL WATCH THE TRAILER FOR SEASON 5??? I'M DYING HERE, I'M NOT OK, OKAY?
> 
> So, I wrote this and I hope you all like it.
> 
> It's not beta'd, all mistakes are mine
> 
> peace out.

“You lied to me this whole time, Kara…” Lena said, sobbing. 

The look on Kara's face went from pleading to sadness, accepting that she had been wrong and had hurt her best friend in the worst possible way.

Despite the heat in National City, Lena's office was chilly, that alone would explain Lena's tremors at that moment. 

"Lena, please listen to me..." Kara begged, desperate. She tried to get closer, but Lena flinched and Kara immediately stopped where she was. “Sorry…” she murmured, “I don't know what I can say or do to make it better. I know I messed up and I clearly hurt you.” It was Kara's turn to recoil, hugging her own body defensively. “I was so scared, I'm just so scared of losing you…”

“Why would you lose me, Kara? Because I’m a Luthor? Because you’re afraid that I will become like my brother and go crazy? Is that why you made sure to keep me close to you and all your friends?” Lena sat on her leather couch and collapsed in tears. “I don't know what hurts the most, Kara… The fact that you gave me everything I ever wanted, a family, friends, to rip off like a band aid, or the fact that all this time I thought I was your friend , while you just wanted to keep an eye on me… You were all I had, Kara… ”

Kara's hands started shaking, too. That room had been warmer, had been more welcoming, now seemed to choke Kara and became unbearable. Kara dropped to her knees on the floor at Lena's feet, crying, pleading.

“Lena, no! This is not true, by Rao! They all love you and care about you… Alex, J'onn, James, Brainy… Even Nia and Kelly cares about you… I… I trust you with my life, Lena… ”

“I don't think I can keep living this lie.” Lena stood and left Kara alone in her office. 

“I'm leaving for today. Close everything when you leave.” Lena warned her secretary, wiping a tear discreetly.

-

Kara didn’t know how she got home. The stop at the alien bar had been a drag, certainly. After ending up with half a bottle of rum (the same one that managed to get her drunk), Kara staggered out of the bar. A few dozen unanswered calls and messages from Alex, and a plethora of unanswered apologies to Lena, Kara was sitting on the floor of her living room, hugging her knees to her body, crying and feeling guilty about Lena. It had been difficult weeks, but nothing compared to the pain she was feeling at the moment.

Alex used her spare key to enter Kara's apartment after her tenth call wasn’t answered. It was a shock to find Kara in that state, drunk and broken.

-

Weeks passed and Kara didn't know about Lena anymore. Dozens of unanswered messages and news that Lena had sold Catco, futile attempts to talk to her at L-Corp, as her access had been revoked. Kara was devastated and hadn't had a chance to try talking to Lena again. 

The truth is, Kara missed her best friend. If she was all Lena had, Lena was close to being everything Kara never had in her early years on Earth. Sure, Alex was the world to Kara, Winn, J'onn, Brainy, James, and Nia also became important to her, but Lena was the one who allowed her to be just Kara, not Supergirl. Kara felt less and less human without Lena, with Supergirl's tasks taking up more and more time in her life, and the chaos at Catco taking all her little free time in the midst of it all.

“Supergirl, can we talk?” Alex grabbed Kara's arm in the DEO corridor as soon as Kara handed over a criminal to the government.

"What happened? I don't have time…” Kara said, putting her hands on her hips. Alex closed the training room door behind her and crossed her arms.

“I know you're busy and it's been hard, but I miss you, Kara. You barely talk to me or the others…”

Kara rolled her eyes and Alex took on her big sister pose, ready to lecture her younger sister.

“I really don't have more time. Supergirl needs to be somewhere else.”

“Kara, please.” Alex turned her head slightly, begging. "I couldn't be by your side when things got ugly... Please let me stay by your side this time."

Kara relented, staring at the floor and sobbing.

“Don't get me wrong, Alex, but I… I don't feel ‘human’ without her. Lena kept me motivated to have Kara Danvers's life after the whole Daxam situation. I honestly don't have the strength to go on without her.”

Alex stepped forward and hugged Kara tightly.

"Do you love her?" Alex asked.

Kara sobbed again, squeezing Alex into her hug.

“More than you can imagine, I never felt that way before, Alex.”

“Shhh… It'll be all right… I believe you two will be all right. And if that's not the case… I'll be here all the time.”

“Thank you, Alex.”

-

Lena didn't attend the Pulitzer Awards, even with Kara reserving her seat in the auditorium. The empty seat next to Alex filled Kara's heart with sadness, so it was pointless to disguise it during her speech.

“Finally, I would like to thank the person who made this moment possible… Lena Luthor…” Kara broke off, clearing her throat, “If it wasn't for her beautiful heart, and her brilliant mind, and her permission for me to go on, it would be impossible to be present here. I'm afraid her schedule is too tight, so, um…” Kara's lips quivered and her voice cracked as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. "Uh, unfortunately she's not present here today... Sorry..." She wiped the tear and took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “But none of this would be possible without her and I am extremely grateful for her friendship so far. That's it, thank you and good night.” Kara hurried offstage, finding a worried Alex in front of her, hugging her immediately.

"Congratulations Kara, and I'm so sorry she's not here."

-

Kara refrained from the celebrations, flying to her apartment shortly after the awards. She was so distracted that she hadn't heard the sounds coming from inside her apartment. Kara was startled to enter the front door and find none other than Lena, sitting on her couch, with the TV on in the awards broadcast.

“Lena?” Kara's voice cracked, a whisper coming out. Lena didn't move, but Kara could see the tears in her eyes and her body shaking slightly. "Are you alright? What are you doing here?”

“The Luthors raised me so I didn't need anyone. To never trust anyone, even them…” Lena muttered, finally looking at Kara, who was slowly approaching the couch where Lena was. “And yet I trusted you, Kara. I trusted your friends, and became dependent on you all… I did the opposite of what I was raised to be…”

“Lee…” Kara stopped where she was and stared at Lena, sadness etched on her face.

“Why did you take this from me? The only good thing I've ever had?” Lena burst into tears and Kara found herself desperate.

“We're still all here, Lena… I'm still here.”

“Don't you understand? How do you expect me to trust you again after that? What else do you hide from me, Supergirl?”

“I love you.” Kara said, gathering all the courage she possessed. “Now there's nothing else too important you don't know about me. My name is Kara Zor-El, I'm Kryptonian, I'm Supergirl, and I love you more than words can express.”

“I…” Lena broke off, shocked. “How could you love me? I am a Luthor, I don’t deserve this. I'm not meant to have good things in my life.”

Kara quickly sat on the couch next to Lena and looked into her eyes with a serious expression.

“You deserve the world, Lena. I know I wasn't honest enough with you and I know I hurt you, and it kills me inside, but believe me when I say that you deserve to be happy. I know you think so for growing up with the Luthors, even killing Lex, as you told me last time we talked, but you're good, and I'm so sorry for not showing my support and trust for you before. No matter what the world says, Lena, I'll keep defending you and I’ll keep putting my hands on fire for you, even if you don't want anything to do with me anymore. Even if you don't want to see me anymore, I'll always protect you and I'll always be your friend.”

“I love you Kara, that's why it hurts.” Lena's voice broke and Kara sighed sadly.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Kara asked sadly.

“I have already forgiven. I wish you had told me, not Lex. I know it's hypocritical of me to say that, but I wish you had told me before all this, especially before Reign, God I'd be so happy for you. But I don't know how I'll trust you and the others again.”

“I understand…” Kara sighed again. "What happens now? Do you want time? Want me to get out of your life for good? I really hope not, but I'll do what you ask, Lena.”

Lena looked down at her hands on her lap and started crying again.

“I don't want to get hurt again, Kara. I don't want to be alone.”

Kara closed her eyes, feeling some tears on her face, too, helpless. She approached Lena and touched her shoulder. Seeing that Lena didn't back down, Kara hugged her, trying her best to comfort her.

“I won't leave you, Lena. You are not alone. I'm really, really sorry for everything.”

After a few minutes of holding each other, Lena muttered.

“Aren't you going to leave me?”

Kara pulled back enough to look into Lena's eyes. She held her hand, trying to give some security to the woman in front of her.

"Never." Kara said with conviction, kissing Lena's hand then. “I'm not perfect, Lee. I'll make mistakes sooner or later, but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make you happy, to show that I love you and that I will always be here. I promise that from now on I won’t keep any secrets from you and I promise that I will do everything to be the person you can always trust. Just give me that chance, Lena.”

“Do you really love me?”

Kara put one of her hands to Lena's face, blaming herself for being partly responsible for all of Lena's insecurity.

“I really love you, Lena. I don't feel “me” without you, not anymore.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, until Lena looked at Kara's lips briefly, and Kara took the courage to step forward, kissing Lena gently. Kara stepped back, seeking Lena's gaze again.

"Is that ok?" Kara asked, whispering.

"Yes." Lena whispered back, smiling.

Kara smiled back and kissed Lena again, this time giving in completely.

"I love you." Kara whispered, just inches from Lena's face, then taking her lips again. Time seemed to stand still as Lena brought her hands to Kara's waist, which sank her hands into Lena's dark hair, sighing with pleasure, finally feeling at home and at peace.

"Are you staying tonight?" Kara asked as they calmed down on the couch. Lena with one hand on Kara's knee, which overlapped her hands over Lena's. 

“I don't…”

“It's late…” Kara insisted. “I can take you to your apartment if you want… But I'd like you to stay.” Kara's face flushed with the confession.

"Fine." Lena said. Kara smiled and stood up. 

"Great! Take the pajamas you want from the drawer or not, you know, I'm just glad you're here, I'll change too, do you wanna go first? No, I will, I need to take off that makeup…”

“Kara!” Lena interrupted, holding back her laughter, interrupting Kara's nervous rambling. “It's fine, go! I'll be ok.”

When Lena finished getting ready for bed, Kara was waiting for her in bed, only with the lamp beside the bed lit in dim light. Lena sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath, then lay down, turning off the lamp.

Kara approached.

"Is it okay if I hold you?" She asked, unsure.

“Sure.” Lena settled into Kara's arms, getting used to this new dynamic between them.

“Do you think one day everything will be all right between us?” 

“I think so…” 

“But?”

“But… we have a lot to talk about yet.”

“I agree.”

Kara tightened her hold a little, hoping to make Lena notice her affection.

"You still haven't explained to me how you got into my apartment…" Kara muttered, genuinely curious.

Lena laughed.

“This is a conversation for tomorrow…”

“Really?”

“Uhum…”

Kara smiled, relaxing.

"Good night Lena...."

Lena squeezed Kara's hand. Maybe things would be ok way sooner than Lena and Kara had imagined.

“Good night, Kara…”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> That's it!
> 
> Lemme know what you think, leave a comment! ;)


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